


Before and After

by Northerlywind



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Post Reichenbach, Reichenbach Falls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-10
Updated: 2012-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-29 08:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/317817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northerlywind/pseuds/Northerlywind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was always Sherlock Holmes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before and After

“John…”

He stirs, lifting his head slowly. He realizes as soon as he catches Sarah’s eye.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry,” he says, standing up hastily. He nearly knocks over his chair. He licks his lips with nervousness, and embarassment is written all over his face.

He imagines it.

John, I’m sorry, but you’re no longer needed at the surgery.

 _It was just locum work, after all._

His fingers twitch nervously by his side, and he almost feels the weight of his jumper dragging him down. He stares at her, and she stares back. He wants her to get it over with.

“Would you like to go for lunch?”

He stands there, in shock. So he had completely misinterpreted Sarah’s intent. John looks at her closer, and sees gentler emotions. She steps closer to him, bridging the gap, but not uncomfortably so. He swallows, and he sees nervousness surface on her features.

“John?”

He cannot seem to speak; or, at least, the right words aren’t coming to his mouth. He breathes, slowly, and tries to dredge up the deepest recesses of his mind.

“I’m sorry, it’s- that was very inappropriate of me. I didn’t-”

“Yes, sure,” he says quickly, too quickly, and the words blur. Yessure.

“What?”

“Yes. Okay. I would like that.”

She smiles and he does too, almost, but in any case he grabs his coat and follows her out of the clinic.

Lunch works out nicely, and John is very surprised to find that despite everything, it works out.

They continue this trend for a few weeks afterward, growing closer and closer, with more and more frequent visits to his flat. They’re almost ready to move on to the next stage, or rather The Next Stage, when John is called away to Switzerland.

“I’m sorry, love,” he tells Sarah over the phone. “Last minute. Really important case.”

She says she understands, but really she doesn’t, and John doesn’t want her to anyway.

Of course, everything falls apart at Reichenbach Falls, and John comes back no longer whole; one, not two. His heart sinks deeper and deeper when they call for Sherlock Holmes, Bern to London, Sherlock Holmes, Bern to London and no one answers.

When he gets back nothing happens though everyone tries, and he eventually leaves the surgery himself.

Approximately a thousand days later, John is queueing at Tesco’s when he sees her. He can try to avoid her, but he’s conspicious and besides he wouldn’t get very far. Instead, he turns his face away, and they both pretend not to see each other. John makes a note not to go shopping at that Tesco’s ever again.

Not nine days after that, John gets a knock at the door of his flat. “John! John, I know you’re in there, let up.”

He grabs his cane and shuffles to the door. After a moment of internal debate, he swings it open.

“Hi, she says.

Though he doesn’t want to, he lets her in anyway. She passes through the hallway and into the sitting room. She leans awkwardly against the wall. There’s only one armchair, and it’s for John.

“What happened to 221B?” she asks gently.

He only looks at her with hollow eyes, and it’s enough of an answer.

Presently good manners ingrained into John take hold, and he offers her tea.

He makes a cuppa for her. There is a faded image on one side of the mug, that may have once been a caduceus, as John may have once been a full person.

She talks, quietly, and after a long period of silence on his part, he joins in.

Nothing happens, but when she walks out the flat, he feels a bit lighter.

She keeps arriving at his doorstep, and he keeps letting her in. It becomes routine, and so it falls naturally that the conversation halts as they look at each other. John continues the conversation, his heart starting to beat faster. His hand still shakes though, so it’s not perfect. It’s close, though, and that’s all John needs.

By now Sarah has grown accustomed to accepting tea, as John has grown accustomed to making it. He brings the tea to Sarah, who’s lately been sitting on the arm of his chair. He can’t bring himself to mind, so he lets her be. She accepts the tea and puts it down. She shakes her head back, slightly, and, before John can fully realize it, she kisses him. He starts back, suddenly, uncomfortable.

They peer at each other for a few seconds in the dim light before John, hesitantly, leans forward. They kiss, again.

He hears a clatter, but ignores it.

Then, the door swings open, loudly hitting the adjacent wall, and Sherlock Holmes walks in.

They break apart, in shock; John stumbles back, falls into a faint (or just as easily the other way around).

When he comes to, Sarah is staring at Sherlock. Sherlock is looking at John. John is just confused. His head hurts, mildly. Sarah gets up unceremoniously and walks out. The door shuts angrily behind her.

Sherlock is standing a considerable distance away, looking uncomfortable. John sits up, holding the arm of the chair.

“Three years, Sherlock. Three fucking years. And not a note?”

“I’m sorry.” It’s genuine, ostensibly, but not enough.

“C’mere.”

Sherlock takes a step forward, warily. “Why?”

“I want to punch you. You’re too far away and it hurts to stand.”

Neither of them move, and John exhales, his whole body sagging.

“Sarah.”

“I- haven’t… With her.” He doesn’t know why he’s offering excuses.

“But…”

“I don’t know, Sherlock, I don’t know. It’s been too long.”

They lock eyes.

John doesn’t know what will happen next. He suspects Sherlock doesn’t know, either.

It’s just complicated.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written November 2011, on my tumblr, to this prompt: "Sherlock walks in on John and Sarah kissing."


End file.
